The ABCs of Stauffers' Sleeping (Part II)

M is for Mmmm. Josh absolutely loves just being beside me and what’s even better is if we’re touching. It could be as insignificant as me rolling over and inadvertently brushing him on my way, but almost every time I touch him when he’s sleeping he responds with “mmmm”. It’s especially bad when  he’s just falling asleep because he’s even more aware of my touch. Sometimes I stay up after him just to pat his head and listen to him “mmmm” every time he exhales. For the most part he’s not really aware he’s doing it but it certainly cracks me up!

N is for Nightmares. Typically I’m the one who will wake up after having terrible nightmares that involve every possible bad situation I could ever find myself in. Sometimes I have nightmares about Josh and I fighting or him doing something really bad. Unfortunately this sticks with me for the first little while when I’m awake and I’m so emotionally worked up about the dream that I just want to get angry at him, even though real life Josh is completely innocent. It’s funny that the angriest I’ve ever been with Josh only happens in my nightmares!

O is for Oscar The Grouch.  Sorry but there wasn’t much else I could come up with for “O”. I try not to make a habit of being a grumpy pants but when Josh catches me in that stage just between sleeping and awakening, I can be an absolute grouch! These are the moments when I’m the shortest with Josh and have little patience, especially if I’d just been having a bad dream. For example, one time I woke up from a dream where I was so annoyed at Josh because he would not stop being silly. I heard him stir so I told him I was just very upset with him in my dream and that I wasn’t too impressed with him right now either (for absolutely no founded reason). He asked why and when I told him that it was because he wouldn’t stop being silly, he made some silly remark like “Well Sam, I’m just a silly monkey goose kind of guy!”. I was NOT impressed and didn’t even bother responding because I could feel the grouchiness resonating without words being said. In the morning we could both laugh about it but we have yet determined a cure for my nocturnal grumpiness!

P is for Predator. One night I awoke to Josh exclaiming, “Wow, that’s AWESOME!”. I turned around to see him crouching oddly on the side of the bed with his hands up, almost like he was looking through a pair of imaginary binoculars. I asked the infamous question, “What are you doing?”. He told me that he was going to get the predator! I’m not sure what the predator was and I don’t think he could have told me even if I asked, so I just asked him to lay back down. I must say he was very excited to get the predator!

Q is for Questions. Asking questions while we sleep is somewhat of a reoccurring theme. I will often wake up asking a question aloud or be woken up by Josh asking something. Just last night he asked if we could please have some popcorn. I told him he definitely could and that I would even make it for him…after he wakes up.

R is for Red Light. One night Josh woke me up in a frantic frenzy, asking if there was a fire in the room. He was very concerned and worked up but I had absolutely no idea why because there was certainly no fire in the room. He was somewhat convinced that there was a fire under our bed and that we had to do something about it. I checked for the smell of smoke or any sign of fire and there was nothing. It turns out that he was sleeping with his head off the side of the bed and opened his eyes to see the red light on the power bar beside the bed. This red light made him think there was fire and therefore sent him into a panic. I do have to say that in real crisis situations Josh is a lot more clear headed and doesn’t go into a frenzy like he did for the imaginary fire. 

S is for Singing. I have yet to hear Josh sing in his sleep, although sometimes he will hum a little something, which will entirely crack me up! However, on many occasions I have woken up singing songs, all of which I wrote in my dream. I think the most memorable one was the song I was singing about chicken chowder and turkey in the sky. The funniest part is that in my dream I was singing it as a duet with my friend’s dad. Weeks later when I was at her parents’ house visiting, this story came up at the dinner table and I told her whole family that I had a dream I was singing with their dad. Oh man!

T is for Tickling. I will admit to having a very bad habit of being a wiggly worm to the max, especially when it comes to feet. I will wiggle my feet around without even being aware that I’m doing it. Although Josh isn’t ticklish very often, it absolutely drives him nuts when I inadvertently tickle his feet with mine. Because he’s a nice guy, he understands that I’m doing it unconsciously and will wait a little while before he asks me to stop. I don’t think I’d have that much patience if I was being tickled almost every night as I tried to fall asleep!

U is for Understanding. Although these stories involve a lot of disrupted sleep, I’m happy to say that we’re both very understanding of each other…..well, at least we try to be. Josh is great about giving me the few minutes in the morning that I need to shake off my natural grumpy side. I try to be understanding about the many many instances Josh has woken me up in the middle of the night, which results in him continuing to sleep soundly and me sometimes laying awake for hours following. I do have to admit that when you’re emerging out of the sleep state, these are the most difficult times to be understanding because there is a high lack of situational awareness and therefore an emotional reaction can just take over. Whether or not we’re successful in being understanding of each others’ sleep irregularities, at least we have some amusing stories to tell when all is said and done!

V is for Visiting. To be quite honest, we use the “sliver/pie” method for sharing the bed. This means Josh gets a sliver and I get the rest of the pie. There is no bitterness because this is just what works best for both of us to get a good sleep. Last week I got up for a midnight snack and when I came back I realized Josh had literally wrapped himself in the majority of the duvet. I gave a big yank and with the blanket came Josh onto my “pie”. I tried to fall back asleep but I just needed my space so I politely asked him to move over. This is how the conversation went (please note Josh is entirely asleep)

“Would you mind please moving over a bit Josh?”

“Whhhhhhhy? I want to visit you and I just got here?”

“Yah but I was the one who brought you over and now I’d like if you could go back please”

“But I just wanted to say hi!”

“Hi!”

“Hi!”

“Bye”

“Noooooooooo!”

In the end I convinced him to roll over a bit, which did not interrupt his sleep but gave me the space I needed to reenter my slumber. Thanks Josh!

W is for Work. One thing that Josh consistently talks about in his sleep are things involving work. This includes descriptions of tasks that need to get done, complaints about who is making him do the work, and the inclusion of colourful language that is often used at his workplace. I’m caught off guard when he curses something that he would never say when he’s awake. I guess it just goes to show that what you are surrounded by has a significant influence on you mind, even though you choose not to participate.

X is for….let’s be serious; when does X ever have a function in these kind of things unless x-ray or xylophone applies to your subject. Or I guess it could also work for those named Xander or Xena. Otherwise, it’s rather useless.

Y is for Yelling. While Josh’s sleep habits are more odd and amusing, mine can be quite disruptive and disturbing. One of the things that I’ve done a few times, especially in the past few weeks, was wake up yelling like there’s no tomorrow. The first time I yelled Josh’s name because a guy was trying shoot me and I wanted him to protect me. The second time I found myself stranded in the lair of a very evil conspiracy that would not hesitate to terminate me. In both instances Josh immediately woke up, wrapped his arms around me and comforted me. I very much appreciate having him there to do that because many times I’ve woken up yelling alone and just lay there feeling emotionally drained and scared. Just one of the many many reasons I’m thankful for my husband.

Z is for Zorro. When we first got married Josh had a tendency of waking up in the morning with al the blankets wrapped around him like a cocoon. I was so surprised that he succeed in doing this night after night, especially because I’m a notorious “blanket hog” , as it were. One night I realized why this was happening. I call it the Zorro move. While laying awake in bed one night Josh abruptly sat up, mumbled something, grabbed the blanket like it was his personal cape, wrapped his body completely and then laid back down. Since this time I have not seen the Zorro move again and I have resumed my role as the blanket hog ;)

Wow! That was a long read but I hope you were amused by at least some of the stories. We could add a new story to this list after almost every night but maybe we'll just save the really good ones for special occasions. If anything, you can know that The Stauffers always have crazy story to tell!