Good Ol' Country Music

One of my goals is to beat Sam in the amount of blogs I write while I'm overseas. Now, I'm not trying to beat her strictly on my competitive nature alone, I would say that's a pretty small part. Blogging is something I enjoy doing, the principle behind it (keeping friends and family informed of all the different things we do) is great. That being said I am not a very fast typer, in fact that is one of the biggest differences between Sam and I (Salmon'eye!!). Although I have gotten better over the last year or so, it's still something that doesn't come easily for me... well that and writing my jumble of thoughts down, I think people sometimes call it critical thinking... that is another blog all on its own though (that will be next week lol).
So lets recap, I like blogging, I'm not very good at it. That sums it up. So what do I do in order that I can
 1) enjoy blogging more
 2) "upgrade" my typing skills (if only I could buy a software upgrade for that!)
3) help create a system for my thoughts in order that typing them down in a coherent manner isn't so trying....

 the answer is turn it into a competition!

So although the end game isn't to beat Sam in the number of blogs I write, it will certainly keep my motivated enough to push through the things I don't enjoy about it. I have a feeling that Sam may end up pushing me to my limits now, it's a good thing she has been so busy!

Sam and I both enjoy music, you could even say love because we both appreciate what the joy of music can bring to a person. That being said, we both have a love/hate relationship with country music at this stage in our lives. If you haven't figured out why I'll explain. Growing up, Sam and I both listened to and enjoyed county music (maybe if I wasn't forced to listen to it for an hour and a half each day on the bus I wouldn't... but that's neither here nor there). Over the years I have heard many people bash the genre, my dog died, my wife left me, my boyfriend cheated, she broke my heart, I'm done with men it's now woman power, all men are chauvinistic... you name it, there is a long list of what country songs pertain. If country isn't one of your favorite genre's please bear with me, I'm almost done :) The point is country music is sad and sometimes down right depressing. I've never really thought about how sad it can be until I had something to be sad about though. It hasn't been until the last two weeks that almost every country song reminds me of Sam, how I miss her or the different memories we have made. But I love the music, so I continue to listen despite the negative effect it has on me because I truly believe I can turn that negative emotion into something positive. Yes it makes me miss her, but it also makes me so thankful for the memories we have made together. How priceless is being able to look back on years of love and growth together? Being away from Sam is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Leaving home after high school was hard but it was expected and you really don't have a choice in the matter. Venturing out on my own and becoming an adult... I've yet to figure that one out, was a fun stage in my life and I truly enjoyed it. Having to leave Sam is at times unbearable. One of the hardest parts about leaving her is not being able to help her with the struggles she goes through, just as she is not here to help me through mine! We write and talk often but there is still something about just being able to hold her that helps when words and advice cannot touch the pain. Writing this helps sort through my emotions, something I am definitely new at lol. Tying this back to country music, it reminds me of all the difficult times we have stood together side by side and were able to lean on each other, depend on each other when our own strength failed. That being said, this has been a great opportunity for us to deepen our relationship with God at an individual level. Sometimes we need that individual growth before we can bring our full potential to a team/marriage... we always call it our team :)

Even though we are apart, we look for the positive things and we grow as we can. I feel there is nothing more important then moving forward and continuing to learn in all things we do, something that I've always felt but something I didn't really understand until Sam showed me what that meant. What an amazing person I get to spend the rest of my life with!!

-J-

What's in a Birthday?

Today is my birthday.
Yet it's as normal as a day goes. Usually a birthday is a day for you to stand out and feel special but I have no desire what so ever for that. Maybe I don't feel the need just one special day because Josh makes sure that I feel special every day (as cheesy as that might sound, I swear it's on his daily list of things to do and he's really good at it!)

Rather than just having people celebrate the mark of another year coming up in my life, I'm going to briefly describe what I'm looking forward to in this next year and give recognition to the people who have been a part of getting me to this day. I'm keeping it simple because I could write an essay if I elaborated on each person. Hopefully you know who you are, and if not, well then I'll work on getting my individual appreciations around :)
Thanks for the birthday wishes and know that I'm sending them right back at you, not necessarily in birthday form but in appreciation and love!

I'm excited for:
- finally getting to have Josh around without anticipating being separated long term

- discovering what plans lie ahead for our career paths

- developing the business we started and learning more about leadership

- spending the next 5(ish) months with the Gilchrist family

- our trip to Portugal during Josh's two week break in September :)

- house buying and getting going on our dream of community living

I'm thankful for:
- my parents who brought me into this world and did a lot to help me survive my first 18 years. I'm thankful for the relationship I can now have with them as an adult

-my sisters who I spent many many years fighting with but now we can get along and actually enjoy each other! They're both amazing people and I'm so proud of them!

-  my Carstairs friends. I was just looking at pictures of us from high school and remembering how amazing you all made my teenage years. I am so thankful to still be in touch with you (even if it's sporadic) and know that you will always always be there for me when I need a hand or a laugh :)

- my Edmonton friends and former roommates who have enriched my life so greatly in the past few
years as we journey together into adulthood. I love being able to have serious, life questioning discussions but also a whole lot of fun and more adventures than I can even begin to count!

- the families of my friends. Thanks for opening up your homes and sharing your wonderful children with me! You have been influential in my life in more ways than you'll know and I have, and will continue to, look up to you as role models (even if it's examples of what not to do ;) )

- my church family. Wow. You are the epitome of community, which isn't always perfect but constantly striving to grow while remaining open, genuine and honest. You are my family away from home!

- the adults in my life who have taken time to mentor me, listen to me, counsel me, help me job search, or simply just bake me some cookies! Thanks for showing that you care about me. Even if it is in the simplest of ways it has an enormous and lasting impact

- the youth in my life who have allowed me to hang out with them, mentor them and attempt to share some of my experiences and limited knowledge with them. They keep me young and remind me to just have fun! I feel so honored to be part of your life and I love getting to hear what you're going through and attempting to help you out in whatever ways I can!

Separation of Team Salmon'eye

(For those of you who don't know Salmon'eye is our team name. I kind of came up with it after saying Sam and I so many times and it just made sense. When saying Salmon'eye you have close one eye really tight and kind of make an arrrrgg pirate face. Well that's what I do. Sam's Salmon'eye consists of closing one eye and keeping her mouth closed, but dropping the jaw. Her pirate face is a little milder then mine but just as effective)

Well, I'm here and it was quite a long journey. The last 4 days have been some of the longest in my life and I'm praying it gets easier. I won't be able to tell you many details on here about my job or the specifics of what I'm doing because it's quite open (although it is safe where I am :), however I will explain to you how I'm feeling and what I'm going through and some of the emotional and personal struggles I face. Because I'm not as articulate as Sam I won't be able to do my feelings justice but I am going to give it a shot.

I think of that scene on Con Air when Nicolas Cage just gets back from his tour and he comes into the bar and sees his wife. They dance to the song "How do I Live" by Trisha Yearwood (I know I'm a sap but I love that song) but I think it really describes the emotions that we go thorough being away from each other! Some would say being married a year isn't that long and that adjusting can't be that difficult and I would just remind those people that Sam and I have known each other for over 10 years and spent A LOT of time together. The last year being married has been absolutely amazing and its grown our initial relationship into something amazing, something I personally never thought to have in my life. It's hard to explain to someone how significant our relationship is, the way we invest and truly give into each others lives, like I said it's something I thought to never have in my life because of how amazing it is! It hasn't been one way growth either! Yes, Sam has helped me grow in many ways but so to has she grown not only individually but in our relationship as well. We thank God on a daily basis knowing that we were made to be together. I don't know if God made people to have a soul mate or whether there are multiple people out there for them, but the fact is, I couldn't imagine being with any one else for the rest of my life! The last year has had its ups and downs but we learn from everything. We are so open with each other in our feelings and thoughts and it has been the perfect start to our marriage. Not that it itself was perfect, we have a long way to go until we get there, but it has been perfect in the sense that we seek each others council and God's guidance in our lives. It has been a good year and although the next 6 months will be hard, it makes coming home that much more beautiful!

Sam has already explained the feelings she is going through and the emotional drain that has been. I can't explain it better then that because a lot of those feelings apply to me as well, however, there is another aspect I would bring to your attention that makes it just that much harder. I have never really been the one to be "left behind". Since last year I have been training and working and getting prepared for my task. That included traveling and spending time away from Sam. It was both a pro and a con. We got used to not depending exclusively on each other and as well did some dry runs on being away from each other. It sucked. I don't use that word lightly either. We went through some pretty hard times emotionally from being away from each other and although it was good for us to grow in different ways it was still really hard. Yet the fact remains, I'm leaving her. It's a feeling I don't understand and personally don't think I really ever could, unless she were to leave me! (Not in the literal sense). The strength she has shown in watching me leave her time and time again and for the longest time 5 days ago, is a strength I hope to come close to matching one day. I am so thankful I have someone so supportive and loyal to me, she is my strength and support.

That's enough of the emotional stuff for now. Some things I'm going to accomplish while I'm here are: 1) Fry an egg on a rock in the sun (ya it's that hot) 2) Get ripped 3) Work on my hand tan, because that is literally the only skin that sees the sun 4) Build trebuchets... yes I'm a nerd and my wife has taught me the love of crafting, so I brought my craft supplies 5) Break things with my mini trebuchets (that ones pretty obvious) 6) Read (which includes my Bible, devotional, novels, and whatever else I can get my hands on) 7) Have a ton of fun! I have an opportunity that most people don't so I'm going to make the most of it! 8) and an important one is keep in touch as best I can with my family and friends :)

So that's the start. I hope you enjoy the accounts of our separate journey. I hold faith knowing that we are never far from each others minds and thoughts. I think of my family and friends often and I think of Sam (on average) every ten minutes.

-J-

Remaining Thankful

Photo Compliments of The Wonderful Erin & Jordan Camponi

I think it goes without saying but today is a hard day.
Leading up to this day has certainly had its challenges, which have pinacled in the short moments Josh and I had to say good bye to each other for the next six months. It is one of those experiences that you can never fully prepare yourself for because it's so unknown and there are so many variable factors that looking forward to the future usually concludes with a giant question mark of uncertainty. It surprised us that the past week has been the most challenging of all. Just knowing that our days were limited made us wish that today would just come already so we can go ahead and deal with it instead of trying to enjoy every moment together while attempting to ignore the inevitable. Today has come now and it was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be but I guess that makes sense when it seems like we've had weeks and weeks...and weeks...of anticipation. Even though it's easIER, doesn't mean it's pleasant; I'm pretty sure I was imagining the worst case scenario where I would come next to death having to say good bye to Josh (yes, that's an exaggeration but there was nowhere to go but up from that idea!)
I'm not going to sugar coat the way I feel because it just down right sucks. I don't like being away from my best friend, my companion, my fun buddy, my partner in crime (the list goes on and on...) and I especially don't like not knowing when I'll get him back for good or what our communication is going to be like in the interim. To add to that, this has got to be one of the most ridiculous/saddest first year anniversaries ever! However, even though there are so many challenges, I can genuinely be thankful for so many things surrounding us at this time.
I'm thankful for the amazing friends and family that we have who have lifted us up and supported us immensely in the time leading up to this day and who I know will continue to encourage us and strengthen us throughout the rest of this year. We have always been hugely thankful for the people in our lives but this scenario enables us to see another essential element of why family and community is important and valuable in our lives. We feel richly and deeply blessed by the help and support that is voluntarily extended from the people in our lives and the quick responses when we approach them with any request. We could not ask for better people in our lives, and as sappy/cliche as that may sound, we mean that wholeheartedly!
I am thankful for the first year of marriage Josh and I were able to share together prior to his deployment. Our engagement and wedding may have seemed a bit rushed to some but we were certain it was the commitment we wanted to make and felt it was wisest to do with sufficient time before Josh would be leaving for Afghanistan. Our first year was full of interesting challenges both personally as individuals and together as a couple but looking back we are so grateful and proud of the distance we've journeyed together. We have always been thankful for the conflicts and uncomfortable situations that arise (...after the fact!) because they bring us so much farther along and closer together. It has been a great first year, definitely full of it's fair share of challenges and "learning opportunities" but certainly defined by growth, laughter and just out and out fun.
I am thankful for the opportunity Josh has to go overseas and serve our country. This is something Josh has looked forward to and worked towards for quite some time and I celebrate alongside him that the day has finally come when he can fulfill this dream. It isn't easy to be thankful for this when I'd much rather have him here, especially knowing that the people who do get to spend the next 6 months with Josh won't value him or treat him nearly as well as I do! However, Josh and I are a team (in fact, we're team Salmon Eye...maybe we'll share more about that at another point in time) and that means I am genuinely excited for something simply because the rest of my team is. I am a dreamer and it's so important to me that people live out the dreams they've set out for themselves so it brings me great joy to see Josh living out his dream that we've all known about since his teenage years. I want to be selfish and just want to keep him to myself and ask him to just throw away his dream but at the same time I'm choosing to be the team member Josh needs to help make this dream happen!
I am so so so thankful for the amazing family that has taken me in for the next six months while Josh is gone. We have been staying with the Gilchrists for this past week and Josh is definitely jealous he has to leave and I get to stay with them :) They have been so generous to us, opening up their home to us and making us feel like part of the family. Josh has ever confidence that I will be well taken care of while he's gone, which is comforting and assuring for him especially when he can't be there for me when he's half way around the world. I'm thankful for the adorable little girls I get to play with and see grow over the next six months...even if their parents think that one seems to like to spend a little too much time playing in my room :) I look forward to serving them and being a blessing to them in hopes that I can reciprocate the enormous favor the have done for Josh and I.
I'm excited for the next six months of new challenges and growth! We honestly have no idea what the rest of this year will hold but we're going to seize every opportunity to grow in our own personal development, in our relationship, and in our faith. There really is no better time for growth than in the hardships and challenges so our attitude is, BRING IT ON! ...please note there may be moments where someone will receive a call from a sobbing Sam who really wants it to be over already but this is the overarching attitude that's going to be driving us forward through those downer moments and bring us out on the other side full of new experiences, new growth and a whole lot of joy!
Finally, I am thankful for our faith, which unites us and give us hope. In tough times we rely on our faith and our church/faith community to support us and keep us focused through until the end. I'm so thankful for the many second families I feel that have adopted us with open arms and the unconditional love they give us as our brothers and sisters in Christ. We are truly blessed!
And with that, I anticipate being thankful for a restful sleep and a start at a new day that will bring me one day closer to Josh coming home. Thanks for taking the time to read this :)

The Busyness Cycle

I'm realizing it has been far too long since our last blog post! I guess that's what happens when the schedule fills up and blogging gets left by the way side. The blog is not the only thing that has been neglected over the past few months; our busy schedule has made it difficult to stay connected with our many friends all over the province. This situation has led me to reflect on the cycle of busyness we get trapped in from time to time.
Often times busyness is a choice. I chose my job, the tutoring I do after working hours, my involvements with the church, the assortment of seemingly important appointments, and the many many plans I make with friends that fill up the in-between moments. Once you get busy, you're required to perpetuate the cycle  because all subsequent things you want to do get scheduled into the future days and weeks that you are not already busy. Whenever we want to get together with someone or plan something, it needs to be somewhat in advanced because our busy schedule hinders the ability to do those things in the spur of the moment.
My opinion on our state of busyness is mixed. On one hand, it is motivating and allows us to be productive and feel like we're getting the most out of our days. However, when we come home at the end of the night, we basically collapse into bed because we're both so worn out from work and a full evening of activities. Is this how we want to live? Stretching ourselves to the point where we have virtually no time left over and pushed to exhaustion at the end of each day? At the same time it can be very fulfilling because we have so many friends and so many things to get done, so why not schedule all these things one right after the other and completely them most productively? Especially with Josh's pending deployment we feel a huge need to stay focused on getting everything done and all our visiting in before he leaves. We have definitely enjoyed this time, especially all the visiting, but looking forward to another month booked full, it's already exhausting!
What then is the solution to busyness?
I guess similar to most solutions in a post-modern era, it's all about balance! A little while ago I had a conversation with a friend about the need for a Sabbath, a weekly break from work, which is a perfect example of how to pursue this balance. Josh and I are fairly flexible when it comes to applying the idea of Sabbath. In religious tradition there have been those who take a break from all things on the Sabbath almost to the point where it becomes more work to prepare and live out the Sabbath. I completely respect people who do this and I believe it shows a deep commitment to their faith and convictions. For me, the need isn't to take a break from physical work and activity but rather, I absolutely need a mental Sabbath especially amidst our busy weeks. When my friend first explained to me the concept of a mental Sabbath, I honestly couldn't envision how that would be possible when I seem to have a hundred things on my mind at any given point in time. Vegging in front of the tv provides somewhat of a break from mental business but it's not necessarily the most healthy or positive way to achieve this. Instead of distracting our brains with something mindless, a mental break is the practice of taking a break from the constant thoughts of planning, preparing, anticipating and reflecting on how to make everything better. It's about enjoying the moment and staying focused in that moment, which sounds simple but is something that many of us actually need to work at!
Mental Sabbaths are important in achieving mental balance in our state of busyness so it's also important to apply the practice of just taking a break! Josh and I try to do this by setting aside an afternoon or evening just for us. Yah, sometimes we end up just watching tv or movies, but it's important to have that time to just be and do whatever you want to without any agendas, schedules or timelines! We do get a lot out of these lazy days, even if it's just getting charged up to head into another five busy days in a row.
In conclusion, if you've felt that you haven't seen us or heard from us in ages, your not alone! We are battling a cycle of busyness, which seeks to consume us and yet exists purely because of our choices that sustain i! While we work on getting it together, we apologize for the periods where it seems we have completely fallen off the earth. We're still here, we'll just have to schedule an appointment with you in order to remedy that; we're now booking into June....just kidding...but seriously...
In the mean time, if you have any ideas, solutions or thoughts on this topic, feel free to share! Hopefully we'll be able to respond to you within a month or so :S

Life Update

The purpose of this post is mostly business. We just want to provide an opportunity for everyone to get caught up on what's going on in our lives right now. Of course, if you not interest then you are not obliged to read on but if you do have any questions about what these two Stauffers have been up to, then here's the place to find out!

Firstly, we still do not have concrete dates for when Josh will be going overseas but we do know he'll be over there for around 6 monhts. For those of you who may be completely uninformed on the matter, Josh is scheduled to serve for 6 months in Afghanistan with the Canadian Armed Forces. He is a Signals Operator so that means he'll be doing lots of communication, computer and radio work while he's there.  The Canadian combat mission is officially over as of the beginning of this new year, however they need forces to go over to serve in cleaning up and clearing out. This is what Josh will be helping out with, which, from my understanding, sounds like a fairly safe and straight-forward job. However, there are still risks involved and we never know what could come up while he's there. In the next few months we'll be making up some photo cards to send out to our friends and family so that you can keep us in your thoughts and prayers while Josh is overseas. If this is something you would definitely like to receive, just let us know and we'd love to send you one!

Now, as of less than 24 hours ago there's been an update in my life! I am officially hired to be a Science Educator at The TELUS World of Science in Edmonton. This means I'll be teaching classes of students from K-9 a variety of science topics using all the awesome equipment and material available at the Science Centre. I'm really excited to start working a consistent job! I have absolutely loved babysitting for the past few months and I'm thankful to have been given the opportunity to work for some amazing families and stay well occupied during the days. Because this is a part time job, I'll still have the opportunity to tutor my two wonderful students, which keeps me busy for another hour four days out of the week. And, I have to say that our bank account is quite happy that we'll be functioning with a dual income...gooooood bye student loan! ...eventually

Outside of those two main updates, Josh and have been staying quite busy this past while! We have been so thankful to get lots of time to spend with family and friends and have enjoyed quite a few visitors in our home over the past few months, Even though we've been busy, we've been extremely happy and greatly enjoying this first year of marriage. Just to clarify, this doesn't mean it's always ideal or easy because we've certainly had ample opportunities to apply and grow our skills in conflict resolution! Marriage is a rollercoaster but we're enjoying one that is on a less extreme end of spectrum, which is enough to make is substantial through providing lots of happy and enjoyable moments as well as many opportunities to learn more about each other and how we can better work together. Go Team Stauffer! One of the greatest challenges that we're facing at this time is just knowing what to do leading up to Josh's deployment and how to prepare for what's going to happen while we're apart. It's one of those things that you can't entirely prepare for before hand, which absolutely drives me nuts! Thankfully Josh is my polar opposite in this area and helps chill me out when the uncertainties and lack of planning start getting me worked up. It will certainly be a learning experience for us but our prayer is that we come out of this experience with strength, assurance and a deeper appreciation for the time we have with friends and family.
 Know that if you're ever in Edmonton, the Stauffer Bed and Breakfast is always open and we love to practice our hosting skills :)

A Stomach With The Attitude of a 2 Year Old

This post is not intended to cultivate sympathy or anything of the like, but the truth is, I've been sick for several days straight and am running of creative ways to engage my mind while I am incapacitated. I've caught this super strain of a cold/flu (this is my own diagnosis) that has gone through basically all the symptoms possible. During the many hours of my life I have spent in medicenters, I often found myself turning towards those "Flu and Cold Season Self-Diagnosis" charts as reading material to occupy the long wait. If I happened to have any of the symptoms at the time, I would take comfort knowing that there were still some undesirable symptoms I thankfully wasn't having to deal with at that time. This week has not been the case because I've blown through that whole chart and every day it's a new discovery as to what's going to get better, and what new troubles are creeping up.
Because it's day three of the stomach flu portion of this super-strain, I've been learning the boundaries between making my stomach feel better, and unexpectantly causing it to violently revolt. Through this learning process, I have discovered that the stomach flu must be dealt with in a very similar manner as one uses while dealing with a 2 year old.

It wakes you up early and insists that it's time for breakfast, perhaps well before you would have preferred to wake up. You prepare a breakfast that has always been enjoyed and compatible with your stomach but as soon as you try to eat, it seems that your stomach starts screaming at you as if it's the most  ridiculous idea that you're trying to feed it. You're confused because there were clear signs it was hungry and the time of day means it's probably in need of some nourishment. Despite this logic, it is clearly unwilling to eat. However, 20 minutes later it's demanding the need for a snack, maybe even a little treat. It doesn't make sense because very recently this was not the case and you wonder what changed so much in those short 20 minutes. Instead of going for something practical or nutritional, you maybe give it something you know for sure it loves just to keep down the number of revolts you have to deal with within an hour. Snap peas are healthy enough and seem like a good choice right?
Wrong.
1 hour later there is yet another revolt, almost as it it's kicking and punching, screaming "Why did you feed me those snap peas?!" And there go the snap peas.
This leaves you feeling very confused because you know it's hungry and yet it's unwilling to take the food you thoughtfully offer. Maybe if you just give it some down time things will come around and you'll get somewhere. Hours may go by and you are hesitant to give into its every whim because you are quite aware of the fact that it just doesn't know itself and its own needs right now.
Things settle down and you think you're on the right track so you go in for another attempt. We'll take it easy this time and stick with something really familiar. Apple sauce. Yeah, that should be just fine! And it works. You're elated by the success and the progress you have made. You play it safe for the next little while, maybe just trying out some soda crackers and a bit of yogurt. This is good!
But then your success carries you away and you try something a bit more ambitious. It's been days since you've had a little indulgence so why not take a handful of those chips that have been sitting on the counter? At first there is cooperation and you think you've finally figured out the dynamics but then, BOOM! Your stomach returns to that disagreeable and strong willed state, seemingly deflating all of the work and patience you built into the last 6 hours!

For the record, I love 2 year olds. I just happen to think that they can be unpredictable and defiant, which can leave you feeling confused and exasperated but with the knowledge that they really don't know what they want, let alone what they need! And right now, I feel like I'm dealing with a stomach that has the patience and attitude of a 2 year old but, with time, I'm sure we'll both make it through this stage.

If you read this and think I'm completely out of my mind, just consider that you might be too if you had been in bed sick for far too many days in a row! Also, Josh has been out in Kingston this week for a training exercise so I've been lacking company and, evidently, becoming a little stir crazy!