merci.

I'm your guy and you're my girl! (that's a little tune we sing from time to time)

Today I am thankful for Josh.

I'm just going to straight up give you a sappiness warning. I tried to censor the sap but it's hard to do that when I'm just being honest.  

 I could spend at least 30 days straight writing about why and how I am thankful for Josh! I was going to hold out for a bit before writing this post because it's one of the easiest things to be thankful for because he's just so awesome! What made me decide to go for now was the briefing I went to last night for spouses preparing for their partners to return from Afghanistan. Listening to the social worker go through the points of what to expect, what some hardships might be and suggestions for this transition time, made me realize I truly did marry the greatest guy out there! Our time apart has certainly not been easy but Josh has been so amazing through out all of it and I know will only continue with that once he comes home! So many of the points that were mentioned didn't even apply, which I attribute to Josh being who he is and all the great things he brings into our relationship. That's not to say soldiers who do have those struggles are any less than Josh because I can only imagine how difficult it is and there are a wide range of circumstances in which soldiers are returning home to. 

In my opinion, what has significantly contributed to the ease of transitioning back and forth from life together and apart is Josh's pursuit of simply serving me. There have been many times even during the past when he could have reacted negatively or harshly to something I brought up. Instead of deferring to his tendency to get defensive, he steps back to think of what I need in that moment and how he can serve me. Honestly, I'm not always deserving of this but he does it for me anyways, which is so important in helping diffuse what ever has got me so worked up (...and sometimes it doesn't take much!). During the briefing they talked about soldiers acting angrily towards their loved ones, which is a perfectly normal experience that all the other women shared in their experience. However, I don't feel Josh ever went through that because he was so concerned about giving me what I needed that his needs came second. I think I'm the one with the anger problems in this situation, which is yet another thing Josh deals with in love and grace towards me. What a great guy!

Another one of Josh's strengths is his sense of humour. Yes, there are moments (quite few actually) when I've had a hard time with his silliness and jokes but we have both grown so much in this area and I can confidently say I'm thankful for my goofy guy! He has been so thoughtful during this time to balance his silliness with seriousness and he does that mostly for me. However, I absolutely love the ways he makes me laugh because it's so unique to Josh. He's just so quarky and I think one of the funniest things is that he genuinely cracks himself up. Sometimes I laugh more at this fact than the actual funny thing! His sense of humour is so much a part of who he is that his alter-ego, "Sleepy Josh", is a total goof ball who will make jokes and talk in silly voices even though Josh is completely asleep. I miss just joking around with him and I'm so thankful for all the fun that we have together! I'm also thankful for the ways Josh forgives me for when I'm a fun killer and he reminds me that life doesn't always have to be serious!

I'm thankful for Josh's desire to grow and mature in his own character so that he can be a better husband and the best version of himself possible! His willingness to learn is amazing, which is evidenced in the small notebook he carries around and keeps notes about things to work on. I'm thankful that he forgives me for not always being patient as he continues to grow in certain areas or as fast I should like. I am thankful for all the ways he has grown over the years, especially in the past year. The changes in his life from even 2 1/2 years ago is huge and I trust that they're not just surface changes because I see the dedication, commitment and desire he puts into becoming the best man possible. I'm thankful that he lets me help him and listens to my suggestions (ahem...ok maybe sometimes they come across more as criticisms) even though I have the tendency to repeat them like I'm beating a dead horse (I don't like that cliche but it perfectly sums up this bad habit of mine).

I'm thankful for Josh's commitment to me, which is life long and absolutely unwavering. Josh is one of the most loyal and honest people out there. My goodness, he can't even force himself to deceive me about when he's coming home even after I've given him permission, and even encouraged him to! He's always been an all or nothing guy and when it comes to me, I think we all know what end of the spectrum he has stood on since high school! His commitment also shows in tasks he undertakes whether it's helping someone move or getting through five seasons of a tv show :) 

I'm thankful for all the ways he's contributed to my life and made me a better person. One of the biggest influences is his ability to help me not stress about things, which I'm noticing is a struggle to do when he's not here. He has helped me become so much healthier mentally because I was basically torturing myself with stress and worry, which he shows me is unproductive and harmful. I do have relapses though but in those moments I can rely on him to help set my priorities straight and regain some perspective. I have to admit that the classic saying, "opposites attract" is fairly accurate in our relationship because in so many ways we are complete opposites! This can divide people but it can also bring closer together than ever when they're willing to allow the other's strengths to build up their own weaknesses. Even though it can drive me crazy how particular Josh is about keeping things organized, I have to admit it is rather helpful when I'm running around at the last minute looking for that last little thing I need before heading out the door. Being with Josh has made me a better person and he continues to challenge me to only further grow and develop myself. Thanks guy!

I could go on and on...and on with sharing how amazing Josh is but I'm going to wrap it up with this last piece. I'm thankful for how Josh makes me feel. He always makes me feel listened to, even when what I'm saying isn't something he agrees with or necessarily appreciates. He goes out of his way to make me feel loved every single and doesn't let a day go by when he doesn't remind me how beautiful and cherished I am. He makes me believe in myself and gives me confidence when I struggle. And, although some women might not like this, he most definitely treats me like a princess and I like it! (not the snobby, too good for you princess though but he does like to spoil me like I'm a princess!). 

What can I say, my husband is great and I truly could not have asked for anyone better! Trust me, I'm a picky girl (haha something I'm also thankful for Josh dealing with in grace and forgiveness). I'm so proud of who he is and who he is striving to become. He has all of my confidence, belief and, of course, my love. I appreciate him for everything he does for me. And after a year of marriage, I'm even happier than the day I married him to get to spend the rest of my life with him! Some things were just meant to be I suppose :)

gracias.

Today I am thankful for video chat.

This has been my main means of communication with Josh over the past five months and without skype and google chat, we would have mostly been limited to email. I have spent much time complaining about the poor connection and the frustrations we have had when trying to video chat. Sometimes it felt that trying to have a conversation was most difficult than just not talking at all. That's how I felt after broken connections and hangups that took up about 40 minutes out of every hour and I think it's true that in some cases it would have been better just to not even try! However, it has been good to use video chat with Josh even though it is rare that we get through a conversation without any trouble and even more rare that we get to use the video function!
Today I was able to skype with my mom while she's in Malaysia and she gave me a whole tour of the gorgeous place she's staying in. It's amazing to be able to share something visually with another person even when they're miles away! We're also able to stay connected with my grandparents who have frequent skype chats throughout the day with their family members.
I was also reminded of the value of this technology today when some parents were saying their daughter knows her cousins in the States via their interactions on skype. Even in the Gilchrists' home skype (or the equivalent apple program, ichat) is used at least once every other day to talk with Julianne's parents. It's great that the girls' grandparents can interact with them when in person visits aren't able to happen very often.
As simple as it is, I'm thankful for this piece of technology that helps us stay connected with family and friends throughout the globe. Of course in-person visits are preferable but when distance prevents that from happening, it's great to have such an accessible alternative. Maybe when we're able to communicate via holograms, or better yet, just transport across the world, we might look back and laugh about how simple video chat seems. But for now, I am thankful for it.

dankbar.

What better to represent health than an apple?

Today I am thankful for health.

Some of you may be thinking it's ironic that I am thankful for health considering that over the past years it seems like staying healthy is a constant battle. When it comes to good health, this just isn't my strength because I constantly seem to be getting sick! If it wasn't my tonsils (good thing those guys are gone!) it was stomach aches or nose bleeds or back problems or concussions or, my goodness, even shingles! However, today I was at the medical lab getting blood test done (haha, ironically it's because I've been sick for a month and the doctor wanted to check into it) and I reflected on all the "haves"rather than the "have nots"when it comes to my health. Here's what I came up with:
-I have a body that doesn't function perfectly but it is more than able to get me around and function in this world without any challenges (with the exception of my lack of proprioception so sometimes I directly walk into stationary objects!)
-I have all of my limbs, fingers and toes. This is a good thing!
-All of my senses work very well and I only need the help of glasses when I'm particularly tired
-I am well enough to get up from bed and enjoy a long day out and about
-I don't any allergies (other than the fluffies from kleenex but that doesn't really count)
-Even though I've had some pretty serious illnesses in the past, I've never had to spend a night in a hospital
-I've never had to have surgery except to get rid of my tonsils and wisdom teeth (this is a good thing because the anesthetics make me an emotional wreck!)
-I've only broken one bone, which was enough to give me understanding of what that sensation is like and the joys of having a cast (I think that was secretly on my list of things to do, just once)
-I am not required to have a strict diet and I can eat pretty much whatever I want. That doesn't mean it's good for me but it's not something I constantly have to be thinking about
-I have a ridiculous metabolism (or something of the sort) so I've never had to battle with weight


 I was sitting there waiting for my blood test and looking around at the people there who come in on a regular schedule to get their tests run every few weeks. I might not be perfectly healthy but I am thankful that a visit to the doctor, blood clinic or the hospital is not part of my regular schedule because I enjoy a disease free life! It's easy to be annoyed with the flu bugs, colds, viruses, infections and other small maladies that kick us down for a bit (or maybe even a month) but this is nothing to what some people go through every day. I'm thankful for the health I DO have especially when there are many who are not as fortunate. 


If you can agree with any of the points I listed above, then I hope that you can also be thankful for your health because it's something we can easily take for granted. 


Finally, let's be thankful for the opportunity to receive health care in the instances where our health isn't perfect. In Canada we have access to a multitude of health services, much of which we don't need to pay for out of our pocket. Beyond what's covered by the government, many people have employer benefits, which will sometimes even pay for massages! How great is that? So, not only do I have lots to be thankful for in regards to my own health, I also am thankful for access to limitless services to improve my health in virtually any way it's required. The health care system isn't flawless and there are many frustrations that I'm sure we've all experienced but we are given so much as many others die from illnesses we can treat at home. 
If you're interested, check out some stats here. We are so fortunate!  

riconoscente.

photo link

Today I am thankful for Canada.

Remembrance Day is a time when all Canadians have the opportunity to reflect on the value of freedom and the sacrifices of those who fought for the peace and freedom we are blessed with in our country. We are so fortunate to live in a nation where we can feel safe leaving our home, speak our minds without fear, practice any religion without condemnation, petition our concerns before our politicians, travel wherever and whenever we want, and are entitled to a comprehensive list of rights that are honoured and preserved by the government. Of course our country, government and all citizens of Canada are not perfect. In fact, they're far from it! However, at least we live in a place where we have an opportunity to work towards improvement and growth without fearing for our lives and the well being of our family. Without the freedom that others have fought for on our behalf, there's no telling if we would enjoy this same quality of living today.
I want to share a few stories with you that have helped put our freedom into perspective for me:
One morning I woke up to a loud explosion that shook the walls of my house. I was so suddenly woken up that for a while I was convinced I had imagined that in my half asleep state. When I got up I eventually asked one of my roomates if she heard something strange or maybe felt the walls shake like I had. Good thing I asked because she was doubting it happened too! It turns out there was an explosion at a nearby plant and even though it was roughly a kilometer away, it was fairly startling! A few were injured but no one was killed in the explosion, thankfully. It made me realize that some people, too many, have this experience of explosions and bombs nearly every day! Not only that, they go about their day never knowing if these explosions are going to take their business, their home, their life or the life of a loved one. I can't even imagine living in that horror of constantly hearing explosions but never knowing when or where they will happen!
I remember the story someone shared with me about her experience speaking with Afghans about the war and the role of American and Canadian soldiers. One woman had lost her son during an air raid back when the USA first invaded Afghanistan in 2001. She asked the woman if she was angry at the western soldiers for causing this great loss in her family. Her response was an absolute no. Despite the tragic and unjust death of her son she was thankful for the soldiers because they were fighting for her people; her son's death was a sacrifice made on behalf of the greater good for her country. I'm thankful to live in a country where we aren't required to make such enormous sacrifices simply to battle for the rights we are entitled to as humans.
Finally, I think of women around the world who are oppressed, discriminated against and abused simply based on their gender. They are denied access to education, are restricted in their day to day activities and will always be viewed as the lesser gender, some even going as far to considering them only slightly above the most disliked animals. I cannot imagine being subject to this treatment simply because I'm a woman but, sadly, for some women this is all they have known. I'm thankful that I have the same rights as a man in this country and even though there are many ways to improve in the issue of gender discrimination, I can still make my own decisions, go where I want (with or without a man!), seek justice when I have been wronged and have access to all the services our country offers. My heart mourns for women in the world who have not, and perhaps never will, experience these things. 
Today I give thanks for being a citizen of a free nation, which was not because of anything I did but because I was blessed to have been born here. I think of those who work so hard to escape from their country and government so they can have a better life in Canada. I am thankful for our free country, which has much room for improvement but provide us with so much because of those who came before us and fought for it. 

reconnaissant.

Today I’m thankful for education.

I have spent my fair share of time grumbling not only about tests, homework and teachers but also about the education system in general. However, today as I was tutoring I realized that, even with it’s problems, I am thankful to have learned and worked in our education system. We were reviewing Grade 9 chemistry today and, sure, I really haven’t used much of that knowledge since Grade 9 so I was pretty rusty on the subject, but I think it’s great that I at least had the opportunity to learn it! No, learning the difference between and ionic and molecular compounds did not change my life, nor did it inspire me to pursue anything chemistry related! However, I was taught about these things by a good teacher, in a safe environment and surrounded by friends so that if the situation arose that this knowledge would be helpful, I would know it!

I certainly have a critique on the education system and the overloading of information partnered with some questionable assessment practices. But, I still see lots to be thankful for especially as a resident of Alberta who had free access to kindergarten through Grade 12 education (one of the best curriculums in our country and, some might claim, worldwide) and the opportunity to attend a post secondary institution.

I challenge you to take a moment to reflect on the people around the world who were never taught to read and write, who can’t afford to attend school (or perhaps purchase the uniform), women who have to learn in secret because it’s forbidden by their government, those with special needs who cannot access a school or programs designed for their unique needs, and those who will walk hours in war-torn countries simply to get an education. I’m thankful to be educated, to have access to continue education and the opportunity to help educate others.

agradecido.

Speaking of imaginary worlds, this is one of my favorites, which is not so imaginary thanks to Universal Studios in Orlando. 

Maybe one day I'll make it out there to see it for myself!

Today I am thankful for playing.

I’m thankful for the opportunity to get to play with kids every day! Playing, imagining and make-believing makes the world come alive in ways that we forget in our adult years. Playing is beyond just doing something for fun or entertainment; in that moment it’s everything in a child’s world and it’s pure joy. I love to see Laurel (who is now coming up to 2 ½) as she “play games” with me and something as simple as playing catch with a teddy bear brings her immense happiness. Her joy and happiness is uninhibited and you can just tell by her smile that she’s having the best time of her life! The funny thing is 3 minutes later you can be doing something else and she’ll still have that same sense of amazement and excitement despite how simple the activity may seem.

Last night she climbed on my back and started patting me with intention and thought. I asked her what she was doing and she told me she was making me taller. We played like this for a while longer and then again today and the whole time she is just happy as a clam. To have the ability to create a world where you can make people taller by (this was her method…) putting food on their limbs, patting it down and then wiping off the “dirties” is truly a gift in my adult world of worry and obligations!

So often my mind is occupied by more things than it can keep track of, many of which involve problem solving and stress management. Taking time to just simply play and watching someone else have complete and unhindered fun, is a momentary escape from our complex and sometimes overwhelming adult world. I love hearing about kids’ imaginary worlds and the amazing and simple way of seeing the world. For example, the time when I asked preschoolers what a bubble looks like and one responded, completely seriously, with, “it looks like underwear”. Then his peer spoke up and says it actually looks like a magical wall that when you pass through it you enter a magical world and turn into magical animals and monsters. Whoa! I want to live in a world where I can see underwear and magical worlds in a bubble (p.s. kids the right answer was iridescent and transparent but, hey, I guess it could look like underwear…right?)

Oh to engage this world as a child and just simply play.

thankful.

A picture of three tuckered Donovans on the airplane back from Mexico. Please note that even though Kelsey (middle) appears to be the less knocked out than then Jen and I, she was so drugged on Gravol that we had to stick something up her nose to wake her up. 

Ok, maybe we didn't have to do that but nothing else was as effective!

Today I am thankful for the gift of sleep. 

Sure my night was plagued with dreams of a cleaning crew that came through my house and took all items that could be used to create crystal meth (I have no idea where that came from!), but I was able to get 8 hours of sleep! I have a love-hate relationship with my sleep these days to the point where weeks go by and I forget what “real” sleep even feels like. The problem is it’s not a typical and identifiable sleep disorder that’s constantly depriving me of sleep. No, my problem is that I dream too intensely to the point where I can’t even distinguish reality some days! My dreams can be like a prison that I’m trapped in and subjected to without any control over my situation. Have you seen the movie, "Inception"? Well that is almost my exact experience with dreaming to the extent of waking up 3 times before I’m actually in reality again! At one point I even started taking anti-seizure medication to dampen my brain activity at night. Over the past few months the medication was effective but then stopped working so I’m off it all together so at least I don’t have to deal with the side effects.

However, last night I had a real, drug-free sleep! It wasn’t quiet, peaceful and as restful as some people regularly experience but the big part is that I woke up with a sense that rest was actually accomplished! It was exciting for me but also for Josh who gets very regular updates on all the adventures I go on in my dreams and suffers when my exhaustion results in grumpiness and a lack of patience. 

Today I am thankful for sleep. I’m thankful for the opportunity to have 8 uninterrupted hours while enjoying my slumber on a cozy bed under warm blankets and in a safe home. Sure I might not have the most restful of sleeps but I know there will be many people around the world going to bed tonight without the simple blessings of a bed, a blanket, a home and safety. 

30 Days of Thankfulness

Photo Source: http://kerryskronicles.blogspot.com/2011/10/building-inspiration.html

This is the beginning of a new blogging series, if you will, which will focus on being thankful each day. I have been inspired to do this for a few different reasons. The main reason is because I am having a really hard time going into the home stretch of Josh being gone. Some might think that it should be easier because the end is in sight but it actually works the opposite way for me! I’m so tired of this time of separation and it’s hard to maintain a good attitude when I just want the remaining time to pass quickly so we can get it over and done with. It’s a struggle to have a positive attitude each day when I anticipate how much better it will be to have Josh back. As his return comes closer it’s hard to look forward to the future and not feel bitter and angry that I can’t have those things now! Yes, it’s an opportunity for growth for both of us but married people are meant to be together and I’m just really ready for that to happen for us once again! We both are. So, as a way of dealing with my frustration and struggle attitude until Josh returns, I’m going to spend 30 days writing about something I am thankful for each day.

I think we all go through times where it’s a challenge to be thankful and positive because our current situation is full of difficulties and growing pains. I don’t want to use that as an excuse for having a bad attitude but I don’t think there’s anything wrong in acknowledging that it happens! It doesn’t mean we like feeling this way or are refusing to do anything about it.

Sometimes we just need someone to agree with what’s on our mind and just outright say “this sucks” not so we can feel justified in our misery but just so that we know what we’re feeling is ok, it’s not wrong. It’s very kind when people try to respond to our difficulties by reminding us of the positive things in life but there comes a point when hearing it from others just doesn’t help because we’ve become numb from our own pain. Our attitude is derived from our thoughts and experiences so until we can bring ourselves to be genuinely thankful and positive, real change isn’t going to happen. However, it is great to have people to help you along in that process and give you ideas! I’m just trying to say that the words of others isn’t what changes our attitude; it’s believing these words for ourselves and letting them transform our attitude from the inside out.

Sorry I went on a bit of a venting rampage. It’s been a really tough few days! Tomorrow I will write my first thankfulness entry and you can guarantee I will mean every word of it, not because I’m forcing fluffy positivity but because it’s one simple thing that I can hold onto to bring me the hope I need to get through one more day.